Tuesday, June 15, 2010


My kids go to a christian school, a great school. The teachers are awesome and my girls really thrive at school. I have never had any issues, apart from normal kids stuff.
When I picked my daughter from school yesterday, she was very upset crying. When I asked what was wrong, she said R had not invited her for her birthday party (which is friday - also Allyah's last day of school). She said she was the only girl not invited. They have a pretty small class and I thought maybe R had forgotten to give her the invitation. Then Allyah said 'no mummy, she said it to my face that I was not invited - the only girl of the class that wasn't invited'. Needless to say that my mummy heart broke into a million pieces.
What do I say to a sensitive 7 year old in a situation like this?
I told her not to worry about it, R was the one missing out on an awesome friend, that she is beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her. That friends like that are not real friends and she should not worry about people who are just mean. Not as easy as it sounds. I just didn't know what else to tell her. So I gave her a hug but she was so upset.
I just wanted to make it go away for her. I wanted to ring R's mum and tell her how unfair it was to treat a 7 year old like that. I wanted to say how she, as a mum, should know how kids can be mean and avoid this sort of situation happening. Now I would not care if this was a big school and random people being invited to this party. But it's a small school. And she was the only one left out.
Of course I did not ring anyone. I just wanted to make it better for Allyah. I can deal with rejection. Heck my boss completely ignores me sometimes when I say hello or good morning, or when I say something, I get nothing back. I am ok with it. We are always going to find people in life that are out there to make you feel awkward and out of place, or make you feel like there is something wrong with you. But how I get through to a 7 year old?
My daughter is lovely, creative like me, caring, fun! I love her too bits.
Why do kids have to be so horrible and mean?
What would you have done? Have you gone through something like that? How did you handle it?


  1. That's a tough one. And sadly why many schools no longer allow invintations to be passed out at all unless the whole class gets one. Which can be good and bad at the same time.

    As far why kids or horrible and mean...I don't know...the same reason adults are. Human nature.

    I think you handled it brillantly. Sadly this will not be the last time in her life she gets left out or ignored. She learned a hard lesson very early in life and my heart goes out to her.

    Kind of reminds me of episode of 7th Heaven where the middle girl gets invited only b/c big sister stepped in...only to find out that the girls did it just to make fun of her.

    I really don't know of any way you could have handled any better...only other thing is tell her next year is a new year with possible new friends. And maybe go doing something special that day with her to help take her mind off of it. The park or ice cream or both.

    Good luck. It sucks watching them grow up huh?

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Hi Roberta,

    How sad and yes kids can be so mean. It happened to my daughters and to myself. I lived in Australia and South Africa and because my daughters and myself were expats we suffered from rejection a lot. Its very hard to explain to young children. When my daughters had birthdays I made sure I invited the whole class. I told them it was impossible to be liked by everyone all of the time. Its just part of life. Now my daughters are 20 and 22 and if I looked back I think these types of events are character builders but at the time it took every thing I had not to call the mom and become verbally abusive LOL I remember telling them that a pearl only becomes more beautiful each day with the help of "grit" daughters are now beautiful pearls... I'm also a new follower. Good luck on your move!

  4. First of all, I'm following back from TTA. I apologize for getting to your comment so late, but better late than never :-)

    I was going to comment on the TTA post, but this post just about broke my heart. No one should treat a child that way. NEVER. It is unacceptable. I would definitely bring this up to the classmate's mom. If, in fact, your daughter was purposely left out of the party and this woman was aware of the slight, she has some major explaining to do. That sort of behavior can be expected from children who have yet to learn what empathy is all about, but an adult? Sheesh! I would give that lady a piece of my mind.

    In terms of how you handled the situation with your daughter, I think you did exactly the same thing I would've done given the exact set of circumstances. She should know that there is nothing wrong with her and that her "friend" behaved in a bad way. That this friend is missing out on having her around.

    Experiences like this are sad and hurtful, but they will serve as valuable lessons for your daughter. After feeling what it is like to be left our of something for no reason, she will more than likely never treat someone else in such a careless manner. In the end, she wins and becomes a better person from it.

    Give that little girl of yours a big hug and a kiss and tell her she's the most special little girl in the world because she does know how to be a true friend.

  5. I've taught first graders and I've found that little girls can be some of the meanest people on the planet. I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that. :( No fun! Hopefully her dad will be able to comfort her soon. :)

  6. I had a small class too and this happened to me many times. I understand how your daughter feels, as I felt left out and rejected too. Girls can be so catty and rude. I would have called the girl's mom up and told her off...That's me and my anger. lol :) It's good that you can keep your composure as well as comfort your daughter. Give her a hug for me!!

    Following (better late than never) for Tuesday Tag Along. :) I hope you decide to come and follow me back. :) I currently have a $25 Walmart gift card giveaway going on!

  7. Roberta,

    This story broke my heart! All kids have to learn the lesson that sometimes other people are just mean. But it still hurts and so unfair that she has to learn it so young! One thing I would say is that this will give her greater understanding and empathy for other kids who may be left out or rejected in the future. Maybe God allowed her to go through this for this reason. She can be the "one" who reaches out to someone else who may be going through what she went through.

    Hope your transition is going well! Update us when you can!


  8. Hiya, hope the moving is going well. Do you have a private email also?

  9. I would have contacted the school. Especially a Christian school should know better, even if the parents do not.

    My son went to a private Christian school from Kindergarten until 5th grade. The school had a policy, because they were so small, that if your child was having a birthday party, they had to invite the entire class of your child's gender.

    So, when we had my son's birthday party, each boy in his class was invited. The boys didn't want to go to the girl's parties anyway. hahah

    Growing up, my mom was VERY sensitive to always sticking up for the underdog and NOT excluding people.

    We had LOTS of sleepovers and birthday parties. EVERY single girl in my class HAD to be invited whether I liked her or not. Period. If I didn't want to comply, party was off. No one ever got left out.

    The world is mean and hard enough.

  10. Oh how sad!! I can't believe that little girl was so mean!! My kid's school says no ivitations are to be passed out at school for that reason. I think you handled it well. I probably would do the same and then try to plan a fun evening. Maybe a movie and popcorn at home or a craft together.