Monday, May 24, 2010

1000 Gifts

I have been reading a lot lately and thinking a lot lately. I don't know why but I have been feeling God's presence with me all the time, and I am wondering "why me?".

Why me?

I am such a busy lady, I haven't been reading my Bible, I haven't been the greatest mum or wife, I have been wrapped up in my own little world lately, unaware of a lot of things and to be honest, just being plain selfish. I get home from work and I am tired, the kids are tired, we are all going through the motions of life, just living.

Why me Lord?

I don't deserve it at all. I feel so weak and so undeserving. Yet I can feel Him close, in ordinary moments. I feel His nudge, I hear his voice, and yet, I am not listening. My mind is too crowded with noise, I can't sit still, I can't concentrate, my mind wonders to a thousand different places and I start to worry.

Yet, He is persistent.

He is always there. Showing me things, talking to me through simpleness in the middle of my rush. The kids yell in the background and I feel impatient, I want to love them, I want to be a great mum to them, but I feel so helpless, so tired. I feel like hiding away from it all, in quietness, stillness, with no success.

Lord, please help me.

He shows me beauty, love, life. And I am so ungrateful. When my children are being loud, I should be thankful that they are healthy. They are God's gift to me and Jason, and God made them perfect. They are beautiful, full of life, they love me unconditionally just like He does.
My spirit is crushed because I fail and fail everyday, I let them down, I let my husband down, I let myself down but most of all, I let Him down. I can't see what is right in front of me.

But He is not giving up on me.

The beauty of God is that he takes us as we are. He is taking me, undeserving, selfish, impatient, tired - me. He is wrapping me in His arms telling me it's going to be okay, telling me to keep trying, telling me He is with me all the time.

And all is left is for me to keep pressing forward, failing, getting back up and trying again. Because through Him, I can.

Every Monday, I am posting TEN things I am grateful for. I am following her idea.

I am starting my list today. Will you join me?

holy experience

1. Above all, God for choosing me and not giving up n me.
2. My husband
for loving me everyday and putting up with me.
3. Allyah for being such a wonderful daughter, so intelligent and loving.
4. Isabella for being busy, loud, loving, caring, the dreamer, singer that she is.
5. Elijah my only son, my baby boy, loving, truck and motorbike lover.
6. My church for giving us a place place we call home
7. Family all my extended family that have been there for me during various situations in my life.
8. My parents for raising me to become who I am today.
9. The country I have lived for the last 8 years.
10. The roof over my head, because many people don't even have that.

I am truly blessed.


  1. Welcome to this sweet gratitude community! It is a joy find fellow joy-sippers :)

  2. What a touching and honest post. It could have been written by me - so many of the same thoughts and feelings. I was just blessed by visiting :)

  3. Welcome to the Gratitude Community! May He bless you with much joy as you continue to fix your eyes on Him. Press on, dear sister. :)

  4. Love you sharing from your heart! I feel similar from time to time, but also know that God is a very gracious, loving & patient Father who gives us far more than we deserve. We are so going to miss you & your family when you go to Aussie! Love Soph :-)

  5. Great post! You took the words right out of my mouth! Thanks for your honesty. Prayers for your move, Jill